Just before Kat left for work at the end of August, Mum came down with a chest infection. Kat said Mum was not herself, acting strangely, which she tends to do when she has an infection. She has begun to call out during the night with what seems to be nightmares or panic attacks.
Kat flew out very early Wednesday 29th August, I called Mum at 8 am to see how she is and to let her know the community bus will pick her up between 10 and 10:30 am. Prior to Kat’s return, Mum had started calling me early in the morning panicking that she had missed her community bus which came three times a week. This had prompted me to call her every morning not only to reassure her but to let her know what was planned for the day.
With Kat gone I was back on full time care and evening meal duties. That evening when I visited I was quite concerned for Mum health; she was coughing quite badly, her cognitive and mental ability going downhill fast. On the lead up to Kat’s departure I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to cope for the eight weeks she was planning to be away. Five weeks at sea, then straight to Melbourne and possibly to QLD for a couple of weeks. I knew mentally and emotionally I would not be able to take the stress. I had prayed that the Lord would intervene. I also knew Mum refused to go into respite; she would not leave home unless she had to be admitted to hospital.
By the second night she was sounding worse but refusing to see her doctor. Saturday morning she was panicing as she couldn’t breathe properly. Praise God we were able to see a doctor at her usual clinic who said she must go straight to the emergency department. By the time we arrived home from the doctor’s she was once again refusing to go but after threats of calling an ambulance she eventually gave in. With a few things packed and without making too much of it we headed off to Charlie Gardeners Hospital, where she had previously been admitted. Thank God for an ACROD parking pass. I found a park right outside emergency and escorted her in. I can’t remember how long we were in the waiting room, then in emergency waiting for doctors or to be admitted, but I do remember having to move[r] the car several times around different 1 hour ACROD parking bays. I was trying to avoid the astronomical parking fees. The following days I parked the car further away and took the public bus. This saved me hours in commuting and dollars in parking fees. It meant I only needed to catch one bus in both directions instead of two.
Eventually, after many hours sitting around in the emergency department trying to reassure Mum and keep her calm, she was attended to and sent up to a ward where she remained for sixteen days.
Mum had previously been on the respiratory ward at Charlie Gardeners, but due to an influx of patents she was unable to move there till a vacancy became available. I preferred the previous ward as she had a room right outside the nurse’s station where they could keep an eye on her. Unfortunately during her stay she was delirious, confusion and very agitation. One night the staff had to call security to hold her down. I suspect due to their lack of knowledge regarding the elderly and their tissue-thin skin, she received a horrendous skin tear. Thereafter she was highly sedated, which she over reacted to and slept most of the day waking and annoying the staff at night till they adjusted the dose.
Poor old mama, she wasn’t enjoying being locked up in hospital at all. She went downhill very fast, unable to walk or toilet herself. I tried to visit her from around 10am to 5pm every day just to keep her company or hold her hand. We went out in the wheelchair with her oxygen cylinder hooked on the back of the wheelchair. She liked the gardens and would calm down but she never ceased asking, pleading to be taken home.
It was also difficult discussing things with family as Kat was out at sea and often difficult to contact, Jen in QLD working odd hours and Trish refusing to have any contact with any of us, then getting upset when she wasn’t informed. I had asked the hospital to keep Trish informed but the day Mum was discharged they hadn’t and being busy with Mum’s transfer, I had other things on my mind. Trish was furious when she finally found us as she had already visited the hospital to find Mum had left.
Before leaving the hospital, Kat, Jen and I eventually worked things out with the social workers so that Mum could be moved to a transitional residential care facility closer to home, while we waited for Kat to return to Perth and decide whether she wanted to bring Mum home and care for her there or to put her into permanent residential care. Jen and I were leaning towards residential care where she could be properly looked after as she needed 24 hour attention. This would be an answer to my prayer as I was burnt-out, emotionally and physically with stress taking its toll.
Meanwhile I fervently called and visited residential, dementia care homes and put Mum onto the high priority residential wait list. Having seen many previously, I knew what I didn’t want for Mum. One place had a room available but on visiting it was not at all appropriate for someone who loves the outdoors and had always had a window overlooking her garden. The room that was being offered had half a view of a retaining wall about half a meter from the window and above the wall a parking lot so all she saw was car tyres! Who would want a room like that?
Mum was transferred from hospital to Brightwater Innaloo on the 18 September 2018. She had her own room overlooking a small hedged which boarded a ‘U’ shaped buildings with a circular garden in the centre of the driveway and carparks. She could see people coming and going and enjoy the lush green hedge and distant gum trees. The room was large with an ensuite, two large chairs and a hospital style bed which could be raised and lowered. It also had a sensor pad which alerted the staff when she got out of bed. She still needed assistance to the bathroom and into the wheelchair.
I was greatly affected by Mum’s distress but found a few things to distract me during this time.
Because we were unsure whether Mum would be coming home, I ordered a collapsible wheelchair from her health provider. I also brought in her walker which I had bought off Gumtree just before Kat’s departure. She had totally refused to use it at home but now was happy to have it help her around. While she remained in care I organised the gardener to do a tidy up around the garden, the cleaners to do a big clean-up as well as the carpets steam cleaned. Unfortunately during the steam-clean a glass door on one of the cabinets was broken which was a bit of a kafuffle as the contractor said he wasn’t covered with insurance and the guy who employed him was going to take it out of the little he paid him. I reassured the contractor I’d get the best price for the glass and install it myself which I did and promptly cracked it so had to get another cut at my expense! Had I known I would later have to just give away the whole cabinet, I wouldn’t have bothered!
I also used this time to go through and throw out a lot of Mum’s accumulated rubbish. She would never have let me do it while she was around. I arranged for a few real estate agents to take a look just in case we had to go down the avenue of selling her place. I tidied out all mum’s old seeds, planting them at my place but some were so old they either never came up or were eaten by the rotten slaters! During this time my dear friend Fay Walkling visited, during her home furlough from Thailand.
Brightwater residential was quite a pleasant place with a lounge and large TV, dining area and access to an outdoor area under shade where they could wander in the garden or sit at tables or by the bird cage and watch the two budgies. This was Mum’s favourite spot, as I’m sure it reminded her of home when we had budgies in a large cage on the veranda. I would also take her out of the locked wing, along the path, making a loop around the far side of the buildings to find a sunny spot to enjoy the garden. There were lots of stories I could have told of Mum’s time there and the characters of the residence but as it’s now April 2019, I have forgotten many of them. Suffice it to say, every day Mum continued to beg me to take her home. It was so sad to see her in such a state. Her physical health was getting better but her mind and cognitive abilities were deteriorating fast.
Just before Kat’s return, I was told of Regis Residential Care Woodlands, which had a dementia-specific wing. It had only recently been opened and there were still beds available. Although it had other benefits, it was very expensive, with club member’s service which we couldn’t opt out of. To get Mum in we would have to sell her house.
During this time I had decided to buy a larger shed to put along the side wall of the house where I could put all the excess stuff I had accumulated and some that would come from Mum’s place if we decided to sell. It arrived and was erected the day before Jen arrived. I didn’t want to put anything in it till I had siliconed the gap between the pavers and the shed and put down a piece of my linoleum left over from the house renovations. I wanted to hopefully make the shed water proof. So it sat empty till I finally finished the floor on 28th November!
Working in and on my garden was a great way for me to get my mind off things. I bought a dwarf pear and nectarine and wisteria. I wanted deciduous plants next to the house so that they wouldn’t block the winter sun and to provide shade in the hot summer. I also strung up wires from on top of the stone wall to the awnings of the house to grow both the grape and wisteria across.
Jen had decided it was time for a visit. She was organizing Mum’s financials to hand over to a family friend who was now Mum’s administrator. Kat returned home 4th October. The next day she and I went together for a look around Regis. I must say we were very impressed. Not only was it very new but the staff and clients all looked very happy. We were shown a room which overlooked a paved side area, fence and steeple of the Catholic Church next door. Although it was one floor up with a view of trees it just didn’t feel right. The opposite side of the hall we had noticed empty rooms and later after much discussion between the three of us, Kat and I returned to ask if there were other rooms available. It was only then we were offered a look at two other rooms. I think they were trying to get rid of the less desirable room. The other two rooms looked straight into a garden, which was rather strange as we were one floor up. The complex had been built on the side of a hill which enabled them to build a garden on this level. We chose room 19 as it didn’t have a shade cloth directly outside the window. The view it had was a lovely new garden with two, 4-meter high newly planted Jacaranda trees and beyond the garden area a stone retaining wall with an expanse of native bush and a row of tall established eucalyptus trees. A perfect outlook for Mum. Although Kat still hadn’t decided if she wanted to take Mum home, we put Mum’s name down for this room just in case.
Kat eventually decided it was too difficult to bring Mum home due to her medical needs and constant assistance required to care for her. Kat was of course living at Mum’s home so she took over the selling of the house, settling on a real estate agent whom I’d suggested. Once this was decided, Jen flew over on the 17th of October and helped move Mum into Regis the following day. This was a three man (daughter) job with Kat taking some of Mum’s things to Regis, while Jen and I picked Mum up and drove her over. We only just fitted all her belongings, wheelchair and walker into the car with the three of us, clothing, flowers, picture frames and the like.
It had been a difficult discussion but we all believed it was the right one. Kat informed Trish, who also gave her approval.
Photos: 1. Flowers on my Pear tree 2. Kat and Mum on an outing 3. “Why can’t I go home?” “Mum you’re on oxygen and hooked up to monitors!” 4. Having a break in the hospital gardens 5. She hasn’t lost her ability to flirt! 6. Feeling much better 7. Brightwater Residential Care 8. Enjoying the sunshine 9. Mum and Me 10. New shed 11. Side garden just established 12. Productive garden
Prayer & Praise Points:
Praise the Lord for His leading and guidance. It was truly a comfort knowing He was there providing strength and wisdom for all the challenges I faced.
Praise Him for the open door and a perfect room for Mum at Regis Residential Care.
Please continue to pray for Mum’s salvation, health and stability. She is settling in well at Regis for which we are all grateful.
Please continue to pray for Trisha. Please pray for reconciliation and peace between us all.
I appreciate your ongoing prayers for the business, Senior’s Benefits and Rewards, which is getting closer and closer to being launched. There have been some new exciting developments which will soon be revealed.
Thank you to all my supportive friends and prayer partners; it’s such an encouragement know you are all standing with me